I’ve been sitting on this post for a couple of weeks now. I am unsure of my wording, my feelings, and what message I am really trying to convey. It’s hard for me to be vulnerable and expressive when it is something I truly only became comfortable doing with my close friends probably 2 or so years ago. But I know that someone, somewhere is going through, or has already gone through similar emotions or situations and can most likely relate to what I have to say. I didn’t write this in search of sympathy, but just as a way to share my journey.
Right now I am planted in a home surrounded by loving friends and family who are close by and so supportive. I have found endless support with what I have chosen to share on social media from people I don’t even know, yet I still feel that I am not enough – that something is wrong with me. It does not matter how many times I am told how adorable, pretty, or perfect I am until I truly believe it myself. Recently I have gone through something that has made this deeper issue more apparent to me, and honestly, I feel ridiculous saying that something is wrong with me, but that is how I have been feeling. I think I have been trying to fix that feeling through yoga and buying new things. Don’t get me wrong, yoga is awesome on so many levels, it’s my form of sanity but, it is not the ultimate fixer of problems. Yoga is intended to help you peel away the layers of yourself so you can see your true light. Your true north.
I love sharing happy go lucky meg frolicking through sunflower fields and playing with Barley all day, but let’s be honest, I am not always in that state. Especially right now when I am trying to find grounding and build my inner core strength so I am not knocked over by the emotions I feel. Not to mention as a Cancer sun sign I am a feeler. A Feeler full of emotions that change like the tides of the ocean. I easily take on the emotions of those around me and when it’s time to process my own I am so overwhelmed because I can only take so much. So, the soil I am planted in right now is asking me to find the courage to work through the issues that are holding me back from blooming into my own self-love and acceptance. To find that inner strength to stay grounded and strong. To be connected to my emotions and feel them when I’m meant to.
So, how do you grow when you feel taken over by whatever emotion comes up? By creating boundaries for yourself and building stronger core (not muscles) to keep you rooted when these waves of emotion try to knock you down. I’m sure you’re wondering “how the hell do you do that?” Well, for me I have been practicing a few different methods
- Time in Nature: Whenever things become too much for me, my go to place has always been the beach. Ever since I could drive that is where I would go to let the waves wash away whatever was bothering me. Enjoying the salty water and feeling the warmth of the sun against my skin cleansing away any negative energy I was holding on to. I also love taking the time to tend to my plants in the garden. Planting something new and sending it all of my positive thoughts so that it can grow in love really helps me feel grounded.
- Crystals: I am a huge advocate of crystals. You can find them in my potted plants, purse, window sill, etc.. Finding crystals and stones that feel grounding and calming when I feel overwhelmed and just holding them in my hands, closing my eyes and just noticing. How do I feel now? How has this stone made me feel when I pick it up? Everything has energy ya’ll! Currently, my Lepidolite is attached to me at all times. I was instantly drawn to it and felt a wave of calmness flow through my veins as soon as I picked it up.
- Self-Love Rituals: I’ll admit, I have never been good at having a bedtime/morning ritual, however lately I’ve been taking the time to cultivate one that works for me. Setting aside the time to really care for myself in the evening makes it easier to fall asleep and in the morning it starts my day off on a good foot.
- Is That True?: My mom got me to listen to Solve for Happy, a book by Mo Gawdat, and the main thing that I took away from his book is asking myself “is that true?”. When my thoughts begin to speak negatively about others, a situation, or myself I ask this question and it brings me back to reality. For example, lately I have not been feeling like a very successful person and I will let myself start thinking about how I haven’t accomplished enough. By asking myself “is that true?” I am able to put things into perspective. I have accomplished my 200 hour teacher training which I had wanted for 2 years before completing the training, I have published my website which I worked on for 3 years, and I have lived overseas for 3 months which I had always wanted to live out of the country. Next time you’re thoughts are getting you down ask yourself “is that true?”
I am still growing and finding the courage to really express myself and share my experiences without worrying that I am not good enough at this, and I believe to do that I have to start caring for myself like I care for all the plants in my garden ( and Amma’s garden). So it is baby steps, but the practices I listed above have really helped me.